artsong yoga

I awoke thinking, “No, no, no, no!”

Has this every happened to you? You’ve committed to do something with someone but are absolutely NOT feeling up to it in any way, shape or form.

And your body and mind are screaming, “Nooooo!”

For me this morning it was Colonel Mustard in the library with a wrench. I mean, Lauren at the Hamptons Yoga Festival with a yoga mat.

Dang, this should not be so hard!

Lately I’ve been in bed more often than not … during sleeping hours, waking hours, whatever hours there are to be had. Bed, bed, bed, that’s all that I want.

Standing is painful.

Siting is painful.

Life is painful.

I’m not complaining. Right, right, I know that it sounds like I am but from the bottom of my heart, I’m not. I’m navigating new waters, discovering new things, and am just looking for my map.

Where’d I put that thing anyway?

No matter. Here I am on the waters. I don’t feel it should be different … clearly this is where I am meant to be. I feel like it’s leading me somewhere and I have no idea where that place is but I am so certain, from the depths of my soul, that there’s a reason I’m going there.

So today I experienced, once again, an everyday miracle. I went with Lauren to the Yoga Festival, fully intending to take a walk once around then lay down in the car. I was all ready, with pillows and blankets.

But life had other plans.

On the way in we encountered the organizer of the event, a woman with radiant energy who told me I should try sound healing. Hmm, now there’s a thought. Something to remember for the future.

As we made our loop around the grounds I noticed a door. “What’s in there?” I was greeted by a woman who asked, “Are you here for the art yoga?”

The art yoga? Who’s ever heard of such a thing!

I told her I’m not able to do yoga, with the limitations my illness presents on my body. She said it’s ok, I could lie down whenever I needed to and that the majority of it involved breathing.

Well in that case, why yes! I’m here for the art yoga!

What transpired was a little bit of magic.

First of all, yes, I did lie down most of the time and when I was unable to lift my arms in the simple pose Suzanne was guiding everyone to, she said, “and let us all hold space for those of us whose range of motion prevents us from doing this” … I felt acknowledged and supported.

It brings tears to my eyes just remembering this because in a situation where I could easily have felt excluded or sad because I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing, instead I felt honored and included.

What a beautiful gift.

Then there was a meditation led by Stephanie, with a drum sound whose vibration resonated deep into my body and felt healing.

I envisioned dropping down into a well in the earth, like Indiana Jones, and there was water streaming down the stony sides. I came back up with a small transparent turquoise bottle filled with fresh water, strung on a skinny brown suede cord with two feathers dangling from it.

After the meditation I drew this without thought, with a fresh sense of freedom. I had a butterfly on my shirt and as I sat drawing, one of the girls who was taking the class too brought me a butterfly template, which really touched me and struck me as precious.

It was very special and came into my drawing.

In my life I’ve been wondering how to navigate this new territory. I’ve so often felt an inner sense of acceptance but other times mourned the fact that I’m no longer doing the things that others around me are doing.

I’ve wondered how to make peace with all this and how to say yes to things when I’m so often uncertain what will be involved and if I’ll be able to keep up.

The discovery of something which I was able to participate in … where others accepted me with my current limitations, met me where I was at and allowed me to be me … was utterly uplifting to me.

I can’t even begin to express the sheer joy that I felt. What a blessing.